Skin Cancer Mrsa and the hysterical patient....me.

Just got back from the dermatologist.  It's now official, I have 2 places on my right leg near the foot that are skin cancer.   The wonderful thing is, they are not the dreaded melanoma. (Read baaaad cancer that spreads.)  So yeehaw thank you Jesus literally!

Who would think taking a biopsy on a small place on the leg could be so painful?  Apparantly I have next to no pain receptors as every dang thing hurts me to the crying level.  This was no different.  They had to numb the area (read stick in a needle/inject a burning lidocaine dose). Only they had to numb it oh about 4 times.  (Read major ouch!)  Then they took a RAZOR BLADE and just shaved off some skin.  Thank God for lidocaine!  So far the lidocaine is still working.   So now the hardest part according to Tom Petty-the waiting.  Hurry up Jan 2nd!

Now for the second part of the story.  I have MRSA.   And I have an active infection at the moment.
Again, thank you Jesus! I decided to have them look at this as well.  It's in the actual crease of my leg in the crotch area.  Having had a very bad-could-have-killed-me infection this last January, I decided to be pro-active this time.  (Not usually how I behave since i am a whiney-butt coward when it comes to the health issues.)   I am so glad I did. I had a surgeon's appt Jan 2nd to see about removal.
Well, thanks to my sister-in-law, it's not MRSA.  It's a condition known as Hydrodenitis Suppertiva.

I say Thanks to my Sister-in-law because she has had this condition since January and just now found out what it is.  Even though it's a condition that can not be erased once you have it, at least it's not MRSA!  Unfortunately the Dr had to take a syringe and inject me in the wound with steroids.
I thought that was going to hurt the worst but surprisingly it was the least pain.  So now this part of the journey is done.

I have a lot of emotions about all this.  I am pissed that I have the cancer.  I am scared of the upcoming removal of the skin cancer.  And i am also having sadness that it took cancer for me to realize i have been neglecting myself for years.  All that time lost.  Using my body to direct self-hate
against me.  The self that is me, I am so sorry.  How could I be so blind, so mean?  I hope I can forgive myself.  That would be an awesome gift for the New Year.

Thank you to anyone who reads this.

Sincerely,
Patricia